Devoid.

So here it is.Just like before,with all those guys and all those girls.The story of my life,it never got better.

And ok,i made some tremendous mistakes,but i paid back really well.So whoever it is youre demanding still to pay my bills,you must've got really rich.I paid more than anyone and just when i thought my life found her meaning,something cracked really well and i heard the truth.

Living in a lie is something big,but i've always been scared of someone lying when telling 'Iloveyou'.I was so afraid of this from the begining,and because i was that scared,it happened every single time.It hurts even more when you're so deep in love,and you find out later that your guy never felt the rapture you felt,the love and the devotion you felt.

Oh well,you cant go cry.It'll hurt as much afterwards.This is one of my mistakes.I cry when i shouldn't but i cry cause it hurts.So i rather ruin my life than cry.Smoking tons of cigars should do the trick.

No one will understand my heart.Was broken into thousands of pieces every time and i tried to glue it back.And then again,broken.I glued it really well for somebody tho,i used all the glue i had,and it took a while.But i really glued it even if the cracks were showing sometimes.I really glued it.I really did.And my heart was happy she had at last a name,a face,a smell.She wanted to see the truth.

Hearts are stupid.They're really blind and they always get fooled.
I hate my heart.She got fooled so many times she almost stopped beating.She was humiliated.She was hurt.She was broken again.

I dont think you'll ever realise the pain i feel after knowing what you just said.I dont think you'll ever be this humiliated and i dont think you will ever hate yourself like i do now.You know i've always been afraid of drowning.Guess thats the easiest pain now.You humiliated me.I wanna hide far away in a cave where the air itself cant touch me.

I want this not to hurt anymore.I wanna know why it wasn't enough for you.Why after all these years you couldnt give me all your love like i did.I was a little girl falling in love.And i got to love you with all my soul,heart and body.Im really proud of that.But it wasn't enough..

And i hate jokes now.I cant trust the way i did before.I hate games.I hate lies.I hate fear.I've never felt that horrible and i never tasted this pain before.The worst pain ever.

The pain i dont deserve.